On the one hand life can take you to exciting new places of discovery. On the other, life can also take you into moments of challenge and quest. Finding your optimum agility to enable you to face an experience that is challenging and then transform that same experience into insight, wisdom and empowerment is key to building and sustaining your resilience. Change the lens through which you view the experience and you’ll find that your experience changes. With effective tools and skills, you can shift your experience and bring yourself onto a new inner viewing platform where life begins to offer new empowering solutions. From that inspiring place, clarity and resilience become your lived experience. Progress becomes your pathway. It’s essentially about choice and awareness and it’s about willingness to avert your gaze through your well-worn default lens and instead, look and learn through another. But in practical terms, how is this actually done?
People often think that the solution to a challenging problem lies somewhere outside of themselves. So they try to change things on the outside but all the while they are ignoring the one place where the most powerful solutions are usually discovered. Within. What do I mean? Well often it is the way we perceive the problem that is the problem itself. That’s why it’s so useful to gain support, clarity and guidance at this point, because then you will be coached to discover new insights that offer new solutions. You will be supported to see the problem and the solution through a new and empowered lens.
Sometimes however, people decide to try to find the solution themselves. But often what happens is that because they don’t have the support to learn and be coached to see those problems and answers differently, they end up repeating the same behaviours and experiencing the same limiting or frustrating outcomes. Have you ever wondered how you can reach a different outcome by doing the exact same thing? Most people are just not aware that this is exactly what they are doing: trying to make the outcome change while all the while they are doing the same thing; engaging with the situation from the exact same hard-wired inner emotional programming that created the challenges in the first place. Groundhog Day. Did you see the movie?
My earliest memory of my own painful groundhog day was when I was about eight years old. I’d asked, well I had likely badgered my mother and father to take my sister and I to Luna Park, an amusement park perched at the northern pylon of the stately Sydney Harbour Bridge. My sister was almost three years my senior and for me at only eight years of age, that meant she was older and wiser to be better able to navigate the complexities of the various rides. More especially, she had the cognition and wisdom to apply her knowledge to assist her practically and productively. I, on the other hand, was bestowed with, hard-wired to be far more in touch with my feelings, so I was far more emotionally attuned. I also had far more trauma that was adversely affecting my brain so that it was not easily optimised to navigate such challenging complex tasks. Essentially, I was younger, less resilient, and far less practical than my sister, which brings me to the very moment I became stuck in the maze of mirrors.
Whack! There was my head smacking into yet another glass wall. It was unpleasant to say the least and it had become even more distressing as I looked out through what appeared to me to be a complex maze of glass and beyond into the public viewing area. It was there I saw my sister laughing uproariously at me for bashing my face into yet another pane of glass. She stood next to my mother who was observing my torment. I just couldn’t believe that after the twists and turns I believed I’d negotiated, that hard as I tried I would just land into the same corridor and whack straight into that same wall of glass.
Eventually my sister was sent back into the maze to guide me out to where I wanted to be. To my even greater frustration she re-entered the maze, quickly found her way to where I was stuck and led me effortlessly straight outside. I’m not sure what was worse for me in that moment, the humiliation of my perceived deficiency or the gloating glee in my sister’s face. The truth was, in that moment I couldn’t see the solutions she could see, the pathway to where I wanted and needed to be. Yet my sister could, and I needed her to be my eyes to find a solution that at that moment I couldn’t see myself. Seeing the invisible insights and solutions for you is what having personal consultations can do for you: coaching you to navigate your way more effectively.
Let’s assume that life brings you into a set of challenges that create a maze you need to navigate. You try to navigate your way out but find yourself squeezed up against that very same glass wall as I did, looking out to where you know you want to be but cannot seem to reach. When your brain and body are flooding with unhelpful emotional responses to what is happening, you become far less capable of handling yourself from a place of effectiveness and strategy. By now you are in threat response, and that means those parts of your brain you need to cultivate helpful responses and strategic solutions from a place of calm and consideration are severely compromised. This is where effective navigation can offer you brief training, skills and support, so that like I experienced with my sister, you can more effectively navigate to where you want to be, while avoiding the pitfalls of the maze.
What’s optimal to more effectively navigate those challenging moments in life is developing and sustaining emotional intelligence. One essential tool within this empowering state of emotional intelligence is being able to emotionally self-regulate, to be the CEO of your emotions. What a relief it is to gain such emotional awareness that you are clear about what is being triggered and why. You can implement simple and effective strategies to sustain your resilience and not fall into an emotional rabbit hole. This means that you are more successfully able to choose to operate from an optimal emotional state that’s in service to your goals and to consciously choose how you might respond, rather than unconsciously reacting to what is happening which doesn’t serve you at all. Organisations thrive when managers are self-aware and demonstrate emotional intelligence, empathy, insight and true we-centric leadership.
One of my aims in creating The Lucidity Process, which is my self-development model I use in my personal consultations and sessions, is to optimise your EQ (emotional intelligence) and your RQ (relational intelligence) and your self-awareness, which will then optimise your internal navigation system and in turn, support you to access your greater potential. You can be supported to build resilience so that you can thrive in your relationships, career and emotional wellbeing. One of my aims is to support you to cultivate successful leadership skills. Effective leaders are wise leaders, and wise leaders cultivate self-awareness so that by knowing what makes them do what they do, they can more effectively harness their potential, and in so doing, more effectively cultivate the potential in others.